my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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