I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
