we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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