I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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