a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
