dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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