i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
