haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
