you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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