Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
