Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
