How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
