I love black thongs
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
