You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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