I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
