I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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