We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
