Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
