he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
