We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
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