I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
