i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
