i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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