we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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