Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
