I wish my penis had an off switch
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
