if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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