He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
