nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
