It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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