I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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