Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
