just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
