The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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