Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Randomize
