Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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