Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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