It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
