She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
