I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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