Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
