My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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