Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
