Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
