Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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