We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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