dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
