Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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