well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
