Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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