I have demons in me.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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