Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
