Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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