are you so shy because you have an std?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
